Confused - like always.
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I got Kate. Like everyone said. Just like everyone said I'd get the witch. Just like I knew I was getting Elle Virus. Just like everyone said I was getting Sally Bowles. Predictable little me. I read the script. Sounds like it's gonna be a fun part. I just hope I don't hurt Michael. I mean physically. Ha. A show within a show. It should be cool. Sounds complicated. I like complicated shows. Just like Into The Woods was. Which, by the way, went remarkably well for only choir kids being in it. Of course I'm going to be sick for the next month, but I stuck it out for the six shows, and that's all that counts.
I wish my life was one big show. I'd have a script and a list of characters and scenes and I'd know just who was coming into my life at what scene and how long they would be in it so I wouldn't get too attached to people who would just drift in and drift out, and I would really know who to be there for and give my all to. I'd know what was going to happen and how to prepare myself. I'd fall in love with who I was supposed to - not boys who couldn't care less for me. And if my life was a show, if it was written in that I did fall in love with the wrong boys, I'd get over it. Not still have them be my whole world. But in a sense, I do have my life as a show. The characters aren't supposed to know what's going to happen, and I have my conflicts, my triumphs, my downfalls, and my moments of glory. The only thing is people don't know my character. People don't understand why I say the things I do. Even I don't understand why I say the things I do. I want so much and never make an effort to get it. And if it just falls in my lap - wonderful. If not - well that's just another one of my wishes that can't ever be granted. Just like this one.
And you know, I believe the world is a large show. Everyone plays a part. You're never unimportant. The only thing that's different about the show called life is that you don't get to consult with the director.
But then again, I like not knowing. What if I did know, but knew it was going to be a horrible and agonizingly painful journey for me to live the life in store? What kind of motivation would that be? Or what if I found out it was going to be fantastically wonderful and just stopped caring because I knew everything was going to work out?
I'm such a mixed-up girl. First I want to know and then I don't.
"When you know you can't have what you want....where's the profit in wishing?"
You'd think after being in Into The Woods for around 11 months I'd have some of the valuable lessons in it soak in. But I guess I don't ever listen. Or, wait, I do listen, but just don't obey.
"Children may not obey, but children will listen."
Okay, this is enough. Into The Woods has poisoned me.